sick and tired of waiting to die

by there will be fish

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

    comes with a 7-page pdf with lyrics and pictures of my dog, in reverse chronological order.

      name your price

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
(free) 03:00
6.
7.
8.
02:41
9.
10.
11.
12.
05:16
13.

about

recorded may through june 2012, using my yamaha keyboard, my general electric cassette recorder, my guitars, and garage band. my first 100% serious attempt at making music.

although none of these songs are about him, this album is dedicated to my dog, edwin, who, much like myself, waited far too long to die.

credits

released July 3, 2012

all words and music and sound by phil garcia.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

there will be fish Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

an adult with a computer and a few musical instruments.

contact / help

Contact there will be fish

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: an interjection of sound
hey
why don't you stay a little while
why don't you say a little while
why don't you stay
hey

hey
why don't you wait a little while
why don't you wait a little while
why don't you wait

and it's a great time to be here
because you've come at a great time
to be here

there is nothing
behind my words
there is nothing
behind the noise

stop hiding
behind the words
because there's
so much you can say
without saying anything

why can't you hear anything
when everything is so quiet
why can't you see anything
when the fog is rolling in

why can't you hear a passing thought
why can't you see what i have fought
why can't you see anything

because nothing
will ever be
the same
Track Name: i literally just improvised a song and it turned out really well
my guitar is out of tune
and i don’t know what to do
when the feedback has all died away
and i don’t know what to say
i met you once in a dream
and i don’t know what i’ve seen
and i don’t know what to say
but i say it anyway
you are the out of tune sting
in my life
and i can’t do a thing
about it
you are the missing link
you are the dirty sink you are
all that i’m not
and when you call my name
every night it’s the same
and every day when i wake up
our empty bed, your empty cup
and every time you speak my words
that i have left you in your purse
i hope you save them every day
i wish that you would appreciate
all of the things i’ve learned to hate
so i could see the beauty in life
through you
i wish that i would just die
so i could see your crying eyes
and suffer every mistake i’ve made
and i wish that you were a line
so i could lose you in a rhyme
and speak your life through my own words
Track Name: a note to self
oh god oh god please don’t let it happen
don’t let her get a hold of you
don’t let yourself forget at all
that you mean nothing to her

you are nothing more
than just another man
will you let her in
will you let her use you

is it worth it to have something
you’ve always wanted even if you know
the whole time it’s a lie
oh god i’m willing to try…

i’ll invite you over
we’ll go downstairs
we’ll play a song or two

and then we’ll sit
in comfortable silence
until we run out of things not to say
and then what will happen?

will it go slowly
will we take our time
or be rushed into the darkness by
the creak of a door

will you jump on top of me
forcing your tongue between my teeth
with your knees outside of mine
your virginity is a force to be reckoned with

or will i sit there
on the couch
as you subtly slide your skirt up
revealing your cuts

naked, soft
and sickly sweet
as i glide the blade down the contours of your stomach
and the blood glides down the contours of my throat
Track Name: them all
let’s go out in public!
let’s pretend for a day
that our lives are all normal
and we all are okay.
let’s go out in public
where we can’t shed a tear,
where we can’t cut our wrists,
and we can’t live in fear.
let’s all go to the mall
like we oft used to do;
let’s buy nothing at all
and spend our money on food.
we’ll be so fucking happy
and forget about life…
till we look at our arms
and remember the knife,
and remember the cut;
oh, the sweet scent of blood!
and remember the taste
of my prescription drugs.
and remember that, hey!
life really does suck!
and our career’s going nowhere
and the future is fucked.
then we’ll be standing there
(the world outside has stopped)
in our terrible lives,
the illusion has dropped.
Track Name: please don't take me back, the ghosts still haunt my nightmares!
you are everything.
i see you everywhere.
i hear you here,
i feel you there.

you’re in my bones,
you’re in my hair.

you are my skin,
you are my teeth
(although they grind
while i still sleep,

you’re in the air,
you’re in the air).

your voice, like smoke
inside my lungs,
invades the air
(pervades the air),

but do not let
your tragic speech
lay hands on her.
speak, hands for me.

you are; the dust,
that flies out my mouth
and lingers cold
in settled rounds

and pillars, forms
upon my eyes:
my charon’s fare
for my demise.

and pavarotti,
pavarotti
stiller be
than heaven’s gate

like papageno.
papagena,
lay me down,
your souls I keep

inside my mouth,
inside your hollow
tinny brain that
hides the doors,

i can’t escape,
i can’t escape;
my kidneys are
my tragic flaws.

you’re in the air
while i grow old.
you’re in the air
i feel on my ankles

for i grow old
with the bottoms
of my trousers rolled.
you’re in the air

although i do not
breathe through dreams
i wish i still
could fall asleep.
Track Name: i'm terrible at naming songs please stop making me
my god
i forgot you existed
i had pushed you away from my world
i was done and the pain stopped its flowing
and i was ready to lie down for the night

but then you had to come trudging back in
with your death and your dying and such
and god when did i stop looking
for the things that i never knew i lost

maybe it all does lead
back to a single thing
but god the cuts were never so deep

why did you come
back into my life
i had forgotten how much i missed you
it’s a shame, really
truly
and honestly so
cause i ’m so sick and tired of missing

of missing all and
every thing
and every one, at that
and
fuck me
i can’t
even bear to stand
for this shit
that i’ve piled
on top
of myself

why did you have to just get up and leave
why
i am asking you
why
why did you leave me
oh why did you go
why did you just get up and die?!

this just isn’t fair!
i was doing so well!
i was off of the drugs and the pain
but just as you were
bereft of my heart
you, slamming the door,
came back again
Track Name: ideations
is there someone i can love now
is there someone i can be
cause everyday i hate who i will be yesterday
and mourn who i was tomorrow

is there something in the water
is there something in the air
is there some way we can end this
is there something we all share

is there something that connects us
is there something that we need
is there someone who can help us
is there somehow we can plead

is there somewhere we can go to
is there somewhere that is safe
is there somehow we can end this
why oh why’d i lose my faith

everyday i hate who i am and who i was
and who i will and who i won’t ever be
and i won’t have to sleep tonight
cause i have your memory to haunt me
Track Name: jerry springer
oh wow
oh god
oh man
does life get
any better than this
it’s two in the morning
and i’m sitting on the couch
with my twelve year old sister
watching the jerry springer show
there are no drugs in my system
there is no dextromethorphan
there are no hallucinogens
there is no oxycontin
there is no alcohol
there is no pain
life doesn’t get
better than
this at
all

why didn’t i try this before
why didn’t i just try
to live life
how did i miss this
all along
it’s so simple
where did we go wrong
Track Name: the first experiment
---
don't wake up
---
Track Name: neocodia
butterfly oh you
better fly away from
all of this

butterfly
i better fly away from
your poison kiss

shaking pollen dust
off your wings
to fertilize
the egg that is my
heart

shaking pollen dust
off your lashes
to better see
the pain you’ve caused

i’ll be the worry stone
in your pocket
if you’ll be the worrysome
pebble in my shoe

i’ll be the one you come to
whenever you need me
if you once
just let me hold you

butterfly oh you
better fly away from
the fleeting light

butterfly
i better lie awake for
another night

shaking pollen dust
off your wings
i realize you are no
butterfly

shaking pollen dust
off your lashes
i realize you are a
butterfly of the night

i’ll be the worry stone
in your pocket
if you’ll be the worrysome
pebble in my shoe

i’ll be the one you come to
whenever you need me
if you once
just let me hold you

butterfly oh you
better fly away from
my reaching grasp

butterfly
i better fly away from
your loving gasps

shaking pollen dust
off your lashes
and onto mine
i see you in my sleep

shaking pollen dust
off your wings
i dream about
the setting sun

i’ll be the worry stone
in your pocket
if you’ll be the worrysome
pebble in my shoe

i’ll be the one you come to
whenever you need me
if you once
just let me hold you