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confirmation​/​confession pts. I​-​III

from parts of a whole by there will be fish

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about

I actually did end up finishing (if you can call it that) this project, but the end result is so drastically different, i thought it was worth sharing.

lyrics

I. The Problem

yes
this is
a cry
for help

yes
this is
my pain

yes
i know
that you
cannot
help
me

yes
i wish
you
could

no
i am not
seeking
any form
of attention

if i were
i would be
a lot less
secretive
and a lot
less private
and attempt
very hard
to show off
my death

yes
sometimes
i believe
i am god
and i can
take a life
but i can’t

yes
sometimes
i believe
in god
and that he
is somewhere
laughing
while i suffer

i once claimed
i would devote my life
to god
and to his son
and the holy mother
but now
i can’t devote my life to living

sometimes
i envy
those who
can put
trust in him
and rely on him
and believe in him
even when the times are good

i tell you
the things
i think
and do
and write
and you don’t
know what
to say

and that’s alright
but don’t
be ignorant
about it

don’t yell at me
don’t chastise me
don’t chide me

don’t yell at yourself
don’t chastise yourself
don’t chide yourself

this is just as much your fault
as mine

you can help
if you want
this is not in my power
this is your problem to fix
please?

II. The Offer

and here
i offer you
my sacrament

and here
i offer you
my soul
in raw
and pure
and unadulterated
form

and here
in this
shithole
of a confessional
i offer you
my very
being

i offered you
these things
and you
denied them
without thinking

you said
you had
no way to give
the things
that i
would need
i didn’t
ask
too much
of you
besides
your entire
existence

it seems like
a fair trade
your soul
for mine
(though
i presume
mine may not
be as pure
as yours)

i mean
that’s the
only
rational explanation
that i can think of
anyway

it just isn’t
the right
sort of
deal
that you’re looking for
and i get that
i appreciate that
but for my own sake
fuck you

but when i think about it
your mind is stained
with impurities
as much as mine
though perhaps not physically
your mental state is the same
you dream
of the same
terrible
hushed
dreams
as i do
and think
of the same
demeaning acts
as well

but perhaps
the best way
to act on them
would be
together

not to be
strange
at all
but i
just want
to save you
from the rest

III. The Metaphor
and so i see
you have trouble
reading into
some of my
more
complex
metaphors.

i’ve decided
to make this one
simple
and easy to understand
just
for
you.

you see
if you equate
all of the hatred
and anger
and apathy
and sadness
and guilt
to a laser
beam
and set it up
shining
in a single
red dot
on the wall
(in which case,
the wall is my brain)

then, you take a prism
a million-sided prism
and place it
right in front of the laser beam
then
screw it
into the table
the laser
will shine
everywhere
and cover the room
with specks
and dots
and lines
and shapes
from the refractions
of millions of shards
of glass

this prism is
depression
and there is nothing
anyone can do
to move it
and i certainly
don’t have the power
to move it

and every once in a while
i like to screw it in
a little bit tighter
until the laser
blinds me
and the pain
imbibes me
and i drown myself
in sound and darkness
until i collapse
beneath the weight
of the light
and bask in the
complete and utter
sleep
and dream
complete
utter
nothing.

credits

from parts of a whole, released April 20, 1902

license

all rights reserved

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about

there will be fish Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

an adult with a computer and a few musical instruments.
see also: IAMFYNE.bandcamp.com

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