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it’s too early in the morning to have emotions it hurts too much to have to go through all the motions don't want to think, don't want to feel, don't want to breathe but i can't be fucked to pack my things and try to leave with broken hearts and shallow souls we spend our lives becoming whole but there's nothing here for us to be why can't i just go home and just go back to sleep? i can't get out of this system i'm in too deep don't have a choice, don't have a say, there's no way out when there's no time to search for what this life's about with rotted brains and hollow hearts we think, we feel, we create art but there's no air for us to breathe we spend our lives behind these desks with tired minds, no time for rest, and by the time we fall asleep it starts again. we waste away on things they say will make us happier today than we were before but there's no substance anymore. we spend our lives behind these masks with tired smiles, no time to ask the things that mean something to us in the end. we put our souls into these words, like poets, no time to rehearse, but what is time but an illusion of the past? and if you think about it long enough, we all are diamonds in the rough: not pretty until the waste is chipped away. we create illusions to deter ourselves from all kinds of self-worth meanwhile happiness is a stone's throw away.

woke up this morning, put a bullet through my brain. maybe tomorrow, i'll get on my feet again. i guess i'll try won't try too hard but i'll try just the same there will be time spent all morning finding reasons not to kill myself came up with nothing spent all evening smoking pot and trying to make some plans I got nothing there will be time, time to murder and create there will be time for the questions on my plate do i dare disturb the universe? do i dare? went to bed this evening, put a blade against my skin couldn't do it i guess i'm happier than i ever should've been i guess that i have some more time

it feels it feels like we're alone in this room in this house in this universe we're all alone it feels like we're never at home in this room in this house nor anywhere we are not at home don't you fuckin' blame this on me you don't have to follow where i lead don't you fuckin' walk out on me i won't miss you when you leave it feels like i'm going insane what is real? what is not? i can't verify a single thing it feels like i'm invincible with this knife and these pills i will prove to you, i'm invincible don't you fuckin' go without me i want to be there when you leave don't you fuckin' die on me i won't forgive you if you leave

whatever happened to natural selection? whatever happened to 'let the good times roll'? whatever happened to the rainbow connection? whatever happened to "god will save our souls"? whatever happened to romance and my stance on women and men and anything in between whatever happened to growing up and getting old and waiting 'til our kids are eighteen? let's get away from every day society they say, do this, do that, don’t get bad grades, and don’t choke on our beliefs as we shove them down your throat do this, do that, don’t fall asleep don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep. let's get away from every day society wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wasn’t that a nice dream to get you through the day? ‘til you can go home, and smoke a bowl then forget who and where you are, and what to say I can’t escape, I can’t escape, From society, it’s after me They’ll steal my hair, they’ll steal my germs And use my DNA to clone me What will they do? What do they want? Why have they installed cameras in my jeans? What will they do? What do they want? Why have they installed cameras in my genes? What’s wrong with me? Am I losing my shit? Do I even have shit to lose at this point? Someone help me, someone give me pills I DON’T CARE WHAT KIND OF PILLS, THEY’RE AFTER ME they say suicide is a long-term solution to short-term problems but I tend to disagree because all my problems, they’re not with me they’re with society; I swear they’re not with me blame society, just blame society tear the system down, and fuck the police I won’t change to be what you want me to be I want to just be me oh god I must get free

I heard you were lookin for a friend to talk to; want you to know that I am here for you. Let’s just be friends, wouldn’t that be great? It’s not like anyone likes you anyway that's great, let's get acquainted i'm always looking for another friend to lean on let me cry on your shoulder, hold my hand maybe you'll appear as character in one of my stories now that we're friends, let's move on do you want to have my babies some day? am i moving too fast? that's okay, it's not like i liked you anyway what do you get? nothing, a big fat nothing. I have nothing. I am nothing I'm worthless; I'm stupid. I'm pathetic; I'm stupid. But still, let's get acquainted i'm always looking for another friend to steal from let me borrow your things, take me places maybe i'll suck your dick in return one day but mom being bisexual was the cool thing in school I just wanted to be cool don't you want me to cool why won't you let me be cool you hate me, mom, yeah don't you all of the girls did it none of the boys did it all of the girls did it none of the boys did it yeah, all of the girls did it and none of the boys did it but that's okay mommy, cause I just wanted to be different

hey let's go to sleep and never wake up hey let's stay alive hey let's cut our wrists and watch the blood dry let's be safe tonight let's chop up these pills no, please don't do that let's be sane tonight please don't take this wrong but i can't stand this please put down the knife i'm terrified of what you'll do if i give all the control to you hey let's go outside enjoy the sunrise i would rather die hey let's make some more healthy relationships what's wrong with the friends you have? you've known them for years it doesn't matter they don't care at all you ungrateful shit you're worthless ...i know. i want to be calm but i can't help it i'll never get what i want i'll never know how much it's worth to sow the seeds of fertile earth i'll never know how much it's worth to grow the seeds of shattered earth one day i hope that god will change his mind but i don't think he will i don't know very much about growing old but we fear what we don't understand i don't know very much about anything but i'm good at pretending like i do and these days, that's good enough (but i'm not good enough)

god why have you forsaken me again god why do i have to follow your fucking plan i didn't choose my path i won't succumb to wrath but for envy i can't say the same i never asked for this i never wanted this i never wanted to be who i am god well, i repent for all my sins but i refuse to let you win i don't know what i am i don't know to react to the things i'm prone to feel so i just take it back i don't know how to act i just know that it felt kind of good please, please don't let this be depression again cause i know i will never know love like you did i know, "never say never", but i did. so please go away.

hey i have been looking around for you i've been feelin down for you what else can i do hey daddy we've been waiting here for you i've been waiting here for you since i was six years old but when the summer comes, and you're still not home i can't look back at the lies you told "i won't be long," daddy you were so wrong hey i've been doing well in school i've been studying hard for you i hope you'd be proud hey daddy momma's lonely without you she's been cryin' because of you i can't stand the sound and when the winter comes and the nights are cold i nver want to forget all the times you told me that you loved me and when the winter comes and her bed is cold i can hear her up with you on the phone you never call for me daddy don't you love me?

if your eyes were what you said, like murky, muddy shit, then i would be like kiowa and gladly drown in it but they aren’t like what you say not to me, at least, to me, a filthy worm they are a welcome soil feast and who says muddy eyes are something to be hated on blue eyes are much too common, oh my lovely carrion.

I want to touch your inner thigh but it's claimed by another guy I don't care as much as I used to cause now I'm a big slut like you, too I want to cut your yellow hair and use it to play solitaire dealing cards from five to nine then you're off and then it's drinking time please don't touch me there I might burst into tears I don't know if you're really here put your Chapstick away I don't want your lips today but you give me them anyway i want to shut you out again i don't want to be your friend but i can't stand to be alone something i think that you know so you hold my hand some more smear your lipstick on the door hoping that it will unlock the doorway to my-- heart please don't touch me there I might burst into tears I don't know if i'm really here put the bottle down, my dear, you don't want to do this here trust me, i'm thinking clear take you home again tonight stumble out into the light with your father there in sight what you said that night has stuck and my mind has run amuck i don't remember if you know i can smell you in my clothes when it rained last friday night i stood out in the lack of light and i thought hard about us and in words we won't discuss please don't touch me there I might burst into tears I don't know if we're really here you drink a glass of cold defeat don't call me till you're half asleep drooling on the toilet seat cause that's when you love me most and everyone else on the coast but tonight let's raise a toast to your ghost and i hope somewhere out there you've found someone who really cares someone that isn't me

You asked me if I liked you and how as a friend? or more you asked if I wanted to kiss you. well I did, once, long long ago but not here not now not like this and not anymore. You smeared your disgusting dead-fish lips all over mine. I pushed you away gently and reluctantly. I didn't want to hurt you. physically or otherwise. i did, once, long long ago but not here not now not like this and not anymore. Why don't you want to kiss me? Why don't you want to kiss me? you said it over and over. Why don't you want to kiss me? You pulled me close to you and touched my lips slowly. I didn't answer, because I did, once, long long ago but not here not now not like this and not anymore.

we throw your stupid drunk ass in the car and clean up the place and our hostess's dad thanks us for being so kind and i try not to laugh because the water feels funny on my hands. we drive down terrifying roads, past deer and signs and empty styrofoam takeout boxes and you babble on about everything and ask the same damn questions over and over where are we going are we there yet i wanna go home can we go home? you ask us again and again and we stop answering you and you get annoyed but you're too drunk to get anything. we pass a graveyard, and a field, and you asked what happened. I tell you, we died. we hit a deer and we died. you seem genuinely concerned, and i feel bad, but not enough to say anything else. you say well, since we're dead, why don't we pull over and you can both rape me in the field. silence. he asks if i'm comfortable and it takes me a while to realize he ignored what you said and was talking about the temperature of the car. i tell him i'm a little bit toasty, and crack the window. you mumble on about fucking us in the back seat, but we ignore you or at least we both pretend to. we drive on and you ask us if we're there yet. we pass two cops, and we drop you off by your font door. i try to help you out, you somehow regain soberness enough to walk to your bedroom. your father opens the door for you i panic, we panic, and leave, and i am left to sit with my friend sharing a cigar and hope that we did the right thing. this is the last damn song i will write about you, i swear it on my fucking soul

i feel invisible today like someone's standing in my way i want to disappear but I'm still standing here i feel inferior today like nothing's gonna go my way i want to change the world but i'm still stuck in here i want to break free from this wretched body i want to go outside and drink the night away i feel like getting high tonight but i don't want to stay inside let's walk to the park and swing the night away i wish you were someone else someone i could dream about but there's no one like you and i guess that's enough i want to cut into your skin indulge in your favorites sins because hating you is something i'd love to do i want to break free from this wretched body become who i am inside as well as out i've got to break free from this damn anxiety and become who i am inside as well as out i want to break free from this damn society but there's nowhere to go for now i'll stay right here you are just as stuck as me stuck in this reality and though our vice is different, we both escape somehow you called me up the other night you were blazed out of your mind you asked me what was said i told you, "just forget" why won't you tell me? why are you afraid of me? i swear i don't hate you, but i'm still terrified i have to break free from this damn society there's nowhere to go but i've got to find a way i just want to leave today pack my things and run away and you can stay right here i don't need you anymore i'm gonna break free from this grip you have on me please don't think of me, i'm better off alone i'm better off alone

i sit outside and i look for your car you left such a long time ago; you can't be very far when you told me you were going to leave behind this place you haunt me at night with your radiant face ooh, and your sweater breath i wanted to tell you that i'm doing alright though i still need drugs to help to get to sleep at night and to get up in the morning and to move in the afternoon well, at least let me tell you that i'm going to be well soon ooh, your sweater breath let's turn the ac up real high and we'll pretend it's winter time with sweaters, blankets, everywhere I'll freeze to death with your cold stares i still can't think of words to say and you're still fifteen worlds away let's come back down to earth today and you can keep me warm ooh, with your sweater breath

smile once in a while; you're beautiful

your hands are much too cold to touch and your blood is much too slick your heart is much too fragile and your bones are much too thick